FILM UPDATE!!! Sept 2022

I know it has been a while since I have sent an update and here are the reasons why: 

• The Instagram page for the film got closed down after spending 5+ years building it

• The algorithm of TikTok makes it so you have to post every day (4x ideally)

• I didn't raise enough funds for more than just the sound designer

• its been 17 years of blood sweat and a LOT of tears pushing this project along

Needless to say, I have been a bit burnt out! However, that doesn't mean I still don't have my heart in this project AND that it isn’t getting worked on:-) 

At the beginning of March 2022, I was able to LOCK PICTURE!!! After borrowing a friend's laptop because my other two wouldn't run premiere Pro software (grrrr). I Then, with the grace of so many FRIENDS that have offered their TIME and SKILL sets, I passed it off to a friend to complete the color correction and titles!!! 

Due to this not being a paid gig, He had to work around his busy work schedule, but he didn't give up.. and I JUST got the first color correction back for review!!! Which I am attaching a screenshot of:-) 

I will take the next week to review it fully, then send it back with any notes. Once that is done and he has any images he needs and all the info for the titles, he will be working on that( when he can) Oh man, money is a pain in the ass:-) 

The next step AFTER all that is done... is to send it off for sound editing ( yes I was a novice filmmaker and I tried my best to have good mics, but it wasn't always the case, so god be with him as he gets a sloppy soundtrack to work on!:-) However, all the money that WAS raised..THANKS TO ALL OF YOU!! Will be paying for his time:-) I kept it in an account locked away for this moment. 

Now with all THAT being said. We are so so close to having this film ready to be sent out for your viewing (I would say PLEASURE here, but let's be honest, there is NOTHING pleasurable about ADDICTION whether it's watching a loved one, or dealing with it yourself). However, I know this film will help many to at least not feel so alone, and to see how LOVE really did save OUR relationship! 

So if you made it to the end of this long update.. THANK YOU! Thank you for your patience, support,  and love in this project. It will be done when it is done, but I know we will get there:-) 

Lastly, if anyone STILL wants to contribute to the film, you can do so HERE

ANY additional funds raised will go towards submitting the film to festivals and getting the music rights to a few songs I would LOVE to use in the film! 

Sincerely, 

Tarah

Dec 24, 2023 UPDATE:

The film got help up with the sound correction. So is the life of trying to make a film without a budget. So thankful for the contributions so far, the funds have been held for the sound correction, which I was able to get a huge discount on! However, all other parts have been pro bono, offered by amazing people wanting to see this project completed.

Due to this being pro bono the film gets worked on between paid project and takes a lot longer, but I know we will get there! I am so grateful for everyones contribution thus far. I will update more once we are closer to the completion. <3

The mother wound- in action and how to address it

I was recently contacted by an amazing show… which I will reveal later, if I get on.. but I really hope I do, because they are doing great work, and guess what??!!! They want to do a show on “the mother wound.”

They found me via tiktok (thanks again tiktok for all the connections you have brought me) I had put the #motherwound on one of my videos, however, I never really understood what that was so I had to do a little research on it. Here is what I found "The mother wound includes the dysfunctional coping mechanisms of women: sacrificing their needs, denying their power and potential, and abandoning their authenticity," Macaluso explains. "These strategies hammer home dysfunctional patterns [like] self-sacrifice, self-denial, and self-abandonment, which become highly dysfunctional traits in adulthood." you can read more here

Actually, as I post that.. it wasn’t the original article I found, but I really like this one. It speaks of the oppression of women, due to “ living in a patriarchal culture that's oppressive toward women.” which I may dive into later..

However, I knew that my childhood harvested a mother wound, and through my filming, I got to see my mother also had a mother wound.. and it has probably been going on for centuries!

What I came to see “my mother wound” being, was; growing up in an environment that lacked safety, security, and the inability to express my negative emotion.. due to my mother’s own pains.

This upbringing lead me to have low self-esteem. I didn’t value myself, because I believed my mother’s actions were in relation to how she felt about me. WHICH in reality and in my healing process with my mom, couldn’t be further from the truth. You know that saying “ hurt people, hurt people” well this is true. My mothers own pain, her own low self-esteem led her to numb through drugs. Yet, as much as I know this truth, it doesn’t heal the wound. SO I’m still in the process with this..

For myself, I numbed with drinking and sex. I guess I learned enough about the hazards of drugs from my mom, but I had to figure out that the way I was coping, wasn’t any different. And there are SOO many ways we cope to avoid our pains, overworking, distraction, even exercising can do this, even though we do need a healthy level of it. But when we overdo something it creates an imbalance. PLUS what I am REALLY coming to understand is: if we are feeling the need to get a rush, or to distract ourselves… maybe there is something we need to look at within.

If you follow my blog or videos on TikTok, you will know that I am constantly self-analyzing myself with the aim to heal and to address my wounds (openly). So often they aren’t visible and we act in ways that leave us hurting and we keep repeating cycles.

In my process of “reparenting” myself. I have to be accountable. I have to tell myself to NOT numb.. and to FEEL. Then to look into what those feelings are, and where are they coming from.

There is this great article on the power of turning inward when life gets hard.. if you want a good read on one of the American presidents and what he did after losing a wife and mother on the same day.

I am currently in this stage of needing to address my pain, as yet again, my relationship failed. Or should I say.. ran its course:-) because I believe “life is always working for you, not against you”

This brings me back to the quote at the top of this blog. So ok.. I have a mother wound. I know I struggle with feeling safe in romantic relationships, because I didn’t have that security as a child, and as much as I work on this.. its a process. AND because of this, I will need a partner that can understand my need, and see where it comes from with love, and if they are the right match it will be their pleasure to offer me that from within them. Oh man… its taken me a LONG time to stop lying to myself about that need! I have tried to stretch and shape into a person that I wasn’t because I was ashamed of this need, I was ashamed of my mother wound. But today I choose to love all of me. And I hope for all of us healing this part of ourselves right now. I hope you can give yourself the same amount of love to yourself, as you would to others.

So today I will see how brave I am being.. and let go of that which no longer serves me.

AS I am setting the precedent for my next partner to know my need, because I know and honor it within myself.

TO anyone reading this.. and if you too are healing this wound.. may we come together,.. and support each other on this journey, because … "pain travels through families until someone is willing to feel it” And if we are here doing the work.. let’s all give ourselves a pat on the back.. and an “I see you” <3 because we deserve that!

And I’ll leave you again with a song.. that feels like the love I want to be in.. clip of those lyrics below..

“That falling in love is a strange work of art

All of your battles will shape who you are

and know that your scars are my favorite part” -Brian Leseney fennel